healing
Alright ya’ll… enough journal prompts. This week I want to talk about something that is happening to me. Healing? Growth? I can’t put a name on it, but it is something. I spent years in treatment collecting coping skills and advice from psychiatrists, therapists, doctors, etc. At the time, it was all too much for me. Deep down, I knew that it would help me but I think I was stuck in the pain. I honestly looked at myself as a lost cause and decided that I was unique and unlike any of the other patients. I’m at a point now where I can actually see my flaws and work to shape them into something productive.
It’s not easy to shape yourself into who you want to be, but it is possible. I dreamt of a different version of myself but I didn’t think I could actually get there. One example is my deep, deep desire to be a planner girl. I have tried so many planners and I went to occupational therapists who tried to teach me how to use them, but again, I wasn’t there yet. Fast forward a few years when I found the perfect planner. It had everything I wanted in it (monthly/weely/daily planners, budget planner, grocery list and meal planning, work outs, habits, etc.) and I actually started using it. Now, I’m proud to say that I am in fact a planner girl. It just took practice and patience to get there. Now and with other habits, I truly believe I can be whoever I want to be.
One mantra to live by is to never break promises to yourself, but also setting realistic promises based on where you are at the time. Write one page. Read five pages. Journal for five minutes. Breaking it down is essential to not blaming yourself for not breaking promises. You can suck at it, but don’t skip it. To keep promises to yourself, you have to believe in yourself, and that can be really hard. Each broken promise represents your failure and takes away your faith and belief in yourself. So, schedule it right.
One of my biggest changes is making a routine that sits just right with my brain. I find comfort with gratitude, bible study, planning, meditation, etc. I also like to know what I am doing ahead of time and routines are the perfect example. Filling my day with the little things will always be rewarded, but it doesn’t seem like it’s working until you stop doing it. If I skip my morning routine before work, my whole day is thrown. I get anxious and irritated.
Something is happening. I’m organized, a hard worker, peaceful, determined, etc. Is this the new Grace? I feel like an entirely new person, and guess what? I really like her. I’m getting things done and following through. I get warm fuzzies when I do something that teaches me to grow, and the voice in my head is becoming kind, supportive, and gentle. And that’s what I need. It’s finally happening, and I’ll never stop growing.
The pain of the past guides me through the future.
xoxo
