it’s simple: I need more time
Claps, claps, claps because I have officially started a new job, and it’s going great. How do I put this? I am literally so happy to have a defined purpose again. Spending my days out of the house makes coming home so magical. The sense of accomplishment is amazing, and I don’t feel guilty working on my hobbies since I’ve worked all day and I DESERVE IT. I can honestly say that all the worry about what a job would bring has dissipated, and all I feel is greatness. But working eight hours a day does steal your time, and I have things I refuse to give up just because I’m no longer unemployed.
First, my routines changed. This might be whatever to some people but as someone with OCD, this can be a huge problem. Changing one thing about my routine is stressful but starting over with a whole new one has been a lot. Unemployed mornings started with a drive, an hour of coffee and TikTok followed my daily devotions and bible study and finally another hour of getting ready. Yeah, that’s over. I wake up at five, spend ten minutes with my coffee, and quickly take fifteen minutes to get ready before heading out the door. And do you know the one thing that I do regret? Not doing bible study. I’ve been trying to do it at night but it’s one of those things that I don’t want to get rid of just because I started a job. My faith helps me tremendously and I have to make time to be with God. So, I’m going to try to integrate that back into my routine.
What else don’t I want to give up? This blog. First, I want to say that I have made some changes to the blog. Out of self-reflection, I realized that I’m over complicating the blog entirely, and from here on out, it is just going to be blog posts on Sunday and poetry posts on M/W/F (or a deluxe on Monday). I think that simplifies it a bit. Even so, I have to find the time on the weekends to do the blog posts and organize the poetry. Last week, I scheduled all the posts on Sunday, so I didn’t even need to look at it during the week. And right now (Friday night), I’m writing the blog post and poems because I won’t have much time the rest of the weekend. I’ve worked hard on this blog, and again, it brings me such joy that I just won’t let go of it.
I also don’t want to give up my secret project- I am God. I have been writing this book for 2 YEARS and although I just have to write the last chapter and complete the edits I’ve made, I’ve changed the deadline from August 2025 to December 2025. I don’t want to send it to publishers incomplete just because I said August, but I do want to be done in 2025. I’ve even started carrying a notebook around to write ideas about book #2. But that’s all I’ll say about that.
And what about those hobbies like painting and drawing? I’ve left them to be what they are. Hobbies. I’m not going to stress or force myself to do them because that ruins it, and they’ll still be waiting when I do want to pick up that brush. But art is so important to me, and I refuse to stop doing and enjoying it. I’m just going to wait until I need that outlet and it comes naturally. I also have a pile of books that I do plan to read, and I’ve sworn not to buy anymore until I do. But reading does fall into that category of things I don’t want to give up. I just need to remember that I’m not going to read a 300 page book in one day. I have this nasty habit of expecting too much and ruining hobbies, and I’m happy to say that work has made them more enjoyable.
I have this strong fear of going backwards. I strive to be better than I was the day before, but I am working on admitting that mood and energy change day to day. If I have a rougher day, I feel like it’s my fault and why should that be happening when yesterday was great? Well, it’s not linear, and sacrifices must be made. I am working really hard on the balance between resting and pushing, and although I’m a dreamer, I need to tone it back a bit. That’s it for now.
Xoxo
