made you look…
Let me try to say this without sounding like a completely crazy person. I have spiritual abilities when it comes to energy and connecting with dead people. Yeah? I’m not joking. I’ve been able to do it since I was a little kid and I distinctly remember seeing spirits around my family home. When I was really young, I wasn’t scared of them, but as I got older, a fear started to grow. And it made the abilities scary rather than rare. I felt death extra hard and stayed away from graveyards because I’d get scared and overwhelmed, but now they are part of my muse when creating art.
My mom says that I used to tell her that Mother Mary was in the room. I don’t know if this is actually who it was or my Catholic upbringing made me think it was, but either way, I was seeing her. I remember this to be conversational and at the time, I didn’t really think it was special or out there, but as I got older, this changed. Catholic school made this ability I have scary, and I became on OCD obsessed child who prayed every time she felt a spirit in the room. I thought they were evil or out to get me. I still remember one time taking a picture of my feet and when I looked at it later, I saw black ribbons of mist around my feet, and I instantly thought it was a demon. I still don’t know if what I saw was in my head or not, but the memory stuck.
By the time I was in high school, I was completely terrified of ghosts or spirits or the dead in general. We moved into a house with my mom that even my other family members said was haunted. We had energy workers clear the house and they confirmed there was a spirit of a man in the house. I still remember when I was home alone and sitting in the front room when I felt him sit next to me. I ran out of the house and stayed there till someone else got home. The positivity that someone was there is indescribable. We also heard footsteps in the attic, and I freaked out watching the lights flicker once. But my abilities were all driven by fear. (DISCLAIMER: I think my mom and maybe my sister also can sense spirits, but they don’t investigate it the way I do).
It was when I hit rock bottom that I finally worked through this fear and tapped into the ability. I had spirits coming to me, and it was lost in the psychosis I experienced, but eventually I was able to untie the knot that was reality. It started with meditation and tarot cards and candles but now it’s a tangled web of God and spirits and energy. I realized I could sense energy in objects and people, and this became a key ability in navigating the world and practicing religious or spiritual practices. To this day, on my meditation bench, I have bowls of crystals on the right and on the left that balance my life out, and they’re only placed there based on the energy they give me.
My spirituality is significantly attached to my Native American ancestors. I talk to them using tarot and oracle cards and different ancestors step forward with different messages each time. My first deck was the animal medicine cards, and my ancestors stepped forward immediately when I started using them. One time, I flew from England to Chicago for the holiday’s and I didn’t bring the deck. I was struggling some and wished I’d brought the deck with me when my mom called me and said “hey, I just found this card for your medicine card deck in the attic” and gave it to me. I was puzzled, thinking I already that card, but I just stowed it away for the trip home. When I got back to England, I had two Eagle cards in hand, and it changed things for me forever. Now, I have several decks, and they all serve a purpose to communicate in a certain way. For example, I have specific decks to communicate with my guardian angels and the animal medicine card deck to communicate with my ancestors.
Now, I have spirits come when I listen to true crime podcasts or think of them in some way. God is at the center of it, and I’ve been able to merge my religious and spiritual practices into one. I still read the bible, but I also believe in demons, and God keeps me safe throughout all of it.
xoxo
