The Mental Health (MH) talk
It took me a long time to do it right. I constantly felt misunderstood and it wasn’t until I met others in recovery that I felt any sort of comfort. I stopped expecting people that don’t have mental illnesses to understand how I dreamed they would. The mental health conversation was still important, though. There are so many reasons to tell someone about your mental illness. Maybe so they can understand why you cancelled plans. Or have mood swings. Or to receive accommodation at work. For work in particular, you should research the laws and your rights when it comes to mental health. This mental health conversation could change the way recipients think of you and you must be ready for that. When done right, the conversation should encourage you and may even provide more assistance in your treatment.
It may be easier to tell someone when you’re doing well, when it serves a purpose, and when you’re ready. Think about the pros and cons of telling them but also not telling them. You should pick a person that is kind, understanding, compassionate, and patient. Make sure it is the right time and place. Write everything down if that would be easier. Be direct. Set expectations. Take it slow. People may not know anything about mental health illnesses or at least not your own. They may also have misconceptions on what it is. It is likely that they might ask you how they can help and you should be ready to answer that question for them. Not everyone will be able to give you emotional support, though. And you’ll have to come to terms with that.
It’s also important to ask yourself why? What is the point of you telling this person about your mental health? Do you need support and if so, can they give it to you? Do you just need someone to listen or do you need this very specific person to listen? Do they think or have an idea that something is going on? Is it more of a conversation for them or for yourself? Don’t skip answering these questions.
There needs to be a level of comfortability to have a mental health conversation. You have to be ready to answer questions and you should definitely prepare for them. Decide what you’re willing to share beforehand and stick to your boundaries. You don’t owe anyone anything. It can be as long as you want it to be or as short as you want it to be. Just don’t step outside of your comfort zone.
Finally, you need to ask yourself if it is appropriate. This is where I struggle. I think it is extremely empowering to own your truth and your story. You should never have to hide a part of you that you need set free. Do you tell your colleagues on your first day of work? Do you mention it in a job interview? Should you wait to talk in the AA meeting you’re going to later that day? Or when you know your colleagues better? For me, I didn’t want work to take my mental health into account. But after a little less than a year on the job, I started to open up. Find what’s appropriate for you because this is an extremely important conversation to have, and you don’t want to be put in a weird situation where your mental health illness affects your relations, work space, or life even more.
No one is ever going to understand your situation better than you. And I don’t think it can be explained in one conversation. Hopefully, there are many, and you find the support you need in them.
