what does it mean to support?
So many people support you. But now you’ve been diagnosed. What changed? What didn’t? How can they help? Do you need new people in your life? And will the old understand? I won’t say that none of you will ever suffer in silence because you will, but the dynamics will change how you are with the people you love and sometimes loneliness will take effect. It can take a long time for these dynamics to settle and from personal experience, it may feel like all your relationships have changed. Even your own with yourself. So, what does support look like? And how do you get it?
The first relationships to be put to the test are that with your family or close friends. Maybe a romantic relationship (mine didn’t survive it). Depending on the state of your mind, this can go a few ways. For me, I was in psychosis, and I saw the things that I said or did instill fear in my family and how they reacted to it. My boyfriend somewhat shrugged it off, but my dad said he was going to take me to the hospital, and I still remember thinking why? There’s a lot of chaos during this time and it can feel like no one is your friend then. And as my family got more answers, I sunk further into denial. I thought I knew myself best and they were simply not in the loop. They’d watch me like this for five years.
In the nicest way possible, getting help was not an option that my family gave me. It was what I was going to do, and they were going to make sure I did. Did you know that most people with bipolar disorder recover in eight years? Well, I did in five. And it’s because of them. Even if we didn’t have all the answers, I did the programs and we figured it out eventually. Now, this is where the support of doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists are needed. I always started out with a doctor that ran all the tests and eliminated brain tumors through an MRI- a worse possible explanation for my psychosis. And then you end up with a psychiatrist, and from personal experience, this can be tricky.
My first psychiatrist called me on my bullshit. They got me to admit my addiction problems and gave me a diagnosis that supported me in some ways and limited me in others. She did some great work, but it was ultimately not all that I needed. And then PTSD stepped in. No one was denying I had PTSD, but was it making my psychotic? Partially. And I lived in residential treatment for a few months doing a program for PTSD. That’s the first time someone said it might be Bipolar Disorder, and leaving this treatment is when I had my worst experience with a psychiatrist. He barely looked at me and was convinced I was schizophrenic but wouldn’t give a diagnosis. I paid hundreds of dollars to see him for five minutes for him to tell me he didn’t know what was wrong with me. This ended with my mom coming to an appointment and storming me out afterwards. And then we finally landed with my favorite psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder the first time I met with him. He knew how to get things done, and this is when my real psychiatric support started. We talked medication, support groups, food, exercise, and so much more. He got me stable, and I owe it all to him. When he died of cancer, I went to another psychiatrist at his hospital, and she was just as good. She gave me the opportunity to live again.
Support via a therapist is also incredibly important. I’ve been through a lot of them. And I’m happy to say I have one today that I trust whole heartedly. There are a lot of different approaches to therapy and some like to talk while others like worksheets and homework. For me, it’s a combination of both. First, there’s Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that aims to help individuals identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to mental health problems. I’ve been through a lot of that. I have also done EMDR when I was undergoing PTSD treatment and it entirely let me process and explore my trauma without falling apart. Another type of therapy I enjoyed was occupational therapy which helped me organize and structure my life the way I needed and wanted to. I spent most of the time learning to use a planner to be what I wanted to be.
Now, let’s take a step back to family and friends, because these relationships change once you have the support of psychiatrists and therapists. They don’t have to worry as much anymore. Maybe they see a glimpse of your old self or learn exactly who you are now and like you (anyone who loves you would). You can start putting effort into the relationships you have, and you feel less like a weight bringing everyone down. And this is when I truly opened up enough to give them the opportunity to help me. So, now I can answer and give advice when my sister needs me, but I also text her when I’m having a panic attack. This resolution has been my most favorite part of the journey.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or need support, call the suicide and crisis hotline at 988.
If you are seeking help for addiction, check out Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA) for support.
For support with your mental health, check out the National Alliance of Mental Illness for groups or call 1-800-950-6264.
xoxo
