Anymore (deluxe)
anymore
the failure of choice never stuck by my words
the side effects of trauma weren’t my concern
the self written prescription made me a victim
the patient that paid her way out of the system
I erased the name of anyone linked to sane
now that it’s over, I search for them in my brain
I want to scream that I’ve finally changed
something about the pain means I can live again
today is before because I can’t do this anymore
it’s the peace of a soldier that just won the war
there is nothing inside me that I'll choose to ignore
the past that I breathe runs from my roar
the only that exists is me with limits
it’s only slow when you count the minutes
forgiveness
apparently I said it’s time to get out of bed
even today, the memories fill me with dread
it’s hard to be friends with someone who doesn’t exist
I would be her again if I had one wish
the relationship terms said I had to go
will you pay the lawyer fees that you owe?
they didn’t reply to my last war cry
I just have to stop wondering why
the story was written to be nonfiction
I couldn’t move on until I learned forgiveness
to the outside world, I must be missing
they were the ones who did the killing
there are pieces of me that you’ll never see
does that mean I'm finally free?
sober
picking out my art to avoid my beating heart
I think the high is why I’m able to start
the demand of sleep brings me to my knees
so I reach for the trouble that’s haunting me
the shame of my name always takes the blame
will it be different or is it always the same?
the reason behind the crime is why I’m paralyzed
baby, blink twice, if you’re still alive
I’m missing the hurt I think I deserve
the feeling of sober is what I need to learn
I never believed all the words I heard
I’m the loneliest person on planet Earth
the guilt of the curse makes everything worse
if I keep using, I'll never come first
patience
the timing doesn’t tell you where you are
the awards didn’t stitch up all of your scars
counting dreams like they’re sheep in my sleep
how will I decide which ones to keep?
nothing is done in a day if it’s for eternity
especially when you just had brain surgery
I’ll keep every note, entry, and letter
when it’s all over, will it get better?
it is patience that creates your hallucinations
why do you make everything an obligation?
the work has already changed your situation
now it is time for us to have a conversation
I love the idea that somehow I’ll make it
do I really have any control over the situation?
change
the fireplace bleeds my face in flames
I wonder if my features will stay the same
they can’t laugh at me if I’m invisible to see
I used to be pretty even if I disagree
my profiles don’t exist because I can’t admit
I’ll always be something left off of the list
The most interesting part of me says believe
it’ll never take away all that I have achieved
people are people until they change
does my transformation make me look strange?
my smile doesn’t mean that I haven’t aged
where are the parts of me that stayed?
One day, I’ll take another picture
Until then, I’ll always be with her
