Thirty (deluxe)

Dear Queenie

I was almost robbed of a life without insides

The God’s left me to find a happiness guide

A name on my tongue without being real

I looked to the heavens for a desperate deal

They eyes of a child flash me your smile

I understand that it is going to be awhile

So I’ll write you a letter until it gets better

With a promise that I’ll never forget her

Dear Queenie, would you like to meet me?

Please come into this world just to see me

The greatest gift that actually comes free

And all I want to know is who you’ll be

With every cure, I dream of her

I’ll be the one that you deserve

Thirty

I never once said happiness brings death

My body never got credit for every breathe

I didn’t know hope kept tabs on my words

It only came when I met the imaginary terms

The lessons of year make sure they’re clear

A student doesn’t recognize life without fear

The age of an adult seems like forever ago

Does your mind really grow like bones grow?

Candles on my birthday brought me to thirty

My failures had always been way too early

The feelings are there to give me a warning

But it’s time for my brain to stop mourning

Beauty lives in the wrinkles on your head

And that version you’re scared of is dead

Bracing for impact

You betrayed my senses becoming addictive

And you’re not the reason I can write fiction

Wait an hour to see that you’re not a need

I have plenty of letters that you should read

The band that played never knew a holiday

That didn’t come without a big price to pay

You shouldn’t dread the very next steps

Let go of the reasons and souls you kept

I have a secret and I don’t want to keep it

Bracing for impact until someone believes it

I keep finding inky letters telling me to quit

The news is shocking so you may want to sit

Let your body learn all of your words

You can handle whatever occurs

Anxiety

It crept up to me like a monster I need

What if it’s what you need to succeed?

Everyone’s built to withstand the guilt

But she knew nobody knew how it felt

The pressure of the mind keeps you alive

But she missed the skills that had arrived

Everyone hopes not to hurt the most

Even when they aren’t given a vote

Nothing can change until your anxiety stays

Sit with the feeling of your bones rearranged

The pain is an alarm to find another way

You’ll take that with you into the next day

Never once did you break your trust

You can do everything we discussed

Me

A flash of a person makes the pain worth it

She waited till midnight to prove she exists

The daydreams of parties became alive

So she had to tell them their friend died

Finding peace makes you destroy everything

They looked confused when she grew wings

To miss a person with an upgraded version

Only means that you aren’t actually worth it

Its been a long time but I want to be me

No one can see that this version is free

The past has finally agreed to leave

And no one shouted that they disagree

A picture can’t see through the ink

So tell me what you really think

Never

I think about the people I declared equal

And how they’d never do anything illegal

Circumstances change so I’m not the same

I never thought my name would feel strange

You make it look easy to breath the same air

Are you aware of what it takes to get there?

Because a beautiful life is really hard to find

And healing the mind takes a lot of time

I never thought the smoke would clear

I never knew I could actually get here

I never thought I would face my fears

I never knew what I could do in a year

It’s impossible to stop feeling lost

But the price is more than the cost