trauma dump (deluxe)

beautiful

I was born with genes that would outlive me

I came with parts that were ultimately free

My confidence was a crusade taken away

Now, today, I write the date when I pray

I don’t want the days to surround my weight

The make up on my face is washed away

Everyone seems to be prettier than me

Maybe it’s time to disagree

Some days I think about being beautiful

Like I don’t already know it’s my uniform

As if I don’t know who I’m dressing up for

Time is not more effective than beautiful

No one ever stays the same

Love the wrinkles on your face

black out

My memories don’t fit the way that I live

They tell me stories of all the shit that I did

It colored me a failure with manic behavior

One day I would become the one to save her

What if your lies were looked at as a crime?

The truth may be buried in the darkest times

My mind screamed but I stopped listening

The flashes of memories were just visiting

I think I fought through another black out

The bruises and stitches destroy the doubt

If I can’t remember, does it really count?

My body says I need to make myself proud

Take back my power with every hour

I decided to burn your apology flowers

real

The memories made shouldn’t go away

I’m here to challenge the results of today

The fault stays with my intrusive thoughts

You’re one of them till she says you’re not

When did you all decide I was irrelevant?

Who are other subjects in the experiment?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again

At this point, it’s just words wasted

I tried for years but it’s just not how I feel

I don’t forgive you if I’m being totally real

As the years went on, I lost while you steal

Ghosting me for changing wasn’t the deal

Friends don’t let friends dial drunk

Good thing all that I have is luck

the boys of this town

I keep a roster of players saved by failure

I’m the only witness to their toxic behavior

One of them spoke their very last words

When the mystery no longer met their terms

Another tatted my name bc he met me first

He had to cheat on me just to make it work

My first love kept secrets that were worse

But my favorite was the one that really hurt

I took off my crown to take you down

You won the prize that no longer counts

I no longer speak to the boys of this town

Baby, did you know that I’m back around?

I’m no longer a victim of your decisions

Thanks for the try out to help me pick him

Invisible creatures

My doctors saw my art so put it in the chart

I saw it in the trash after they ripped it apart

The beginning of disease falls to your knees

They decide your future with their expertise

No one looks at you the same as a patient

I took your judgements like a bill payment

You should know I can finally defend myself

And I think you were the worst for my health

Every little flaw was tested by the law

But there was magic that they never saw

So, I made sure both sides would get along

That’s why this year, I’ve never been caught

We are the invisible creatures

Save the sins for the preacher

hollywood

I can’t pinpoint the time when I lost my mind

The blue prints of the years were my design

At the meet and greet, nobody else showed

It made me feel special that I was all alone

I bought a one way ticket to join the club

We met in my mind when it wasn’t enough

How will I explain the psychotic dark days?

I know I will search for a shift in his gaze

How did Hollywood change my life?

I’m embarrassed to say it was a lie

I poured my heart out with no reply

It’s been a long time since goodbye

I won’t speak of how it used to be

That makes happiness a guarantee

the authorities

The fear inside me dates back to being 3

I shrugged it off until it buried me deep

A younger me was exposed to these things

It made me think the devil slept next to me

Forced consent doesn’t make it relevant

Even though the body keeps up with it

And when you climbed on top of me

It prepared me for all that would be

I know you would have no empathy

So, this version of me has a philosophy

And, now, I have a record to keep

So, the authorities would like to meet

Jack still smiles at my tattoos

Richard’s doing nothing new

Lloyd said bitch and now I am

I think that Alex might be dead