gentle is the winner
I used to scream at myself. Get out of bed. Why are you so lazy? Don’t fucking do that. I thought the screams would push me and motivate me, but who is motivated by a bully inside your own head? No one. The tables have turned, and a new sweetheart of a voice is guiding me now. I only heard the voice a few weeks ago. I’m right here. It was so comforting in a moment of anxiety that I’ve gotten used to managing. But what even is your inner voice? And what can you do to change it?
Your inner voice is the silent dialogue you have with yourself that is supposed to help you think, reflect, and plan. Normally or supposedly normally, this voice is helpful, but so many find this voice to be their biggest critic. Negative self-talk is a critical inner dialogue that undermines your self-worth and can lead to issues like low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. Research shows that this can be caused by past experiences, mental health conditions, and societal pressure. So, what can you do to change it?
The three C’s of negative self-talk are comparing (looking at someone else’s life and comparing it to your own), criticizing (judging yourself or putting yourself down), and complaining (talking negatively about a situation without changing it). Understanding these negative thinking patterns is critical in shifting them. Nine negative thinking patterns are listed below.
1. Catastrophizing- thinking that everything is going to be horrible or disastrous
2. Personalizing- a thinking pattern where you take on all the blame even when other factors play a part
3. Overgeneralization- turning one setback into an entire losing streak
4. Filtering- focusing on the one bad thing even when it’s surrounded by good
5. Polarizing- viewing life in black and white terms
6. Mind reading- believing you know what someone is thinking about you or a situation
7. Fortune telling- predicting what is going to happen in the future when you don’t know what will happen
8. “should” statements- creating a rigid rule book for yourself through saying things like I should do better, or I should have done differently
9. Emotional reasoning- thinking that because you feel a certain way, it must be true
There are many ways to stop this negative self-talk and step into a life of loving yourself. One method to challenge your inner voice is the N.A.C.R. method listed below. Other coping skills can also be seen below.
N.A.C.R.
Notice- where your inner dialogue goes
Arrest- if you notice it’s abusive or negative, stop it in its tracks
Challenge- is it true? Is it factual? Is it helpful?
Replace- factual, supportive, and helpful statements
Coping skills
o Separate yourself from your inner voice
o Make space for a new kind of dialogue
o Practice mindfulness
o Start a gratitude practice
o Exercise self-compassion
o Journaling thoughts, feelings, emotions
o Start using positive affirmations
o Practice meditation
o Seek professional help
So, I PROMISE you that changing that negative self-talk and practicing compassion with yourself will change your life. You can do it. I’m proud of you. Look at everything you have accomplished. Keep telling yourself these things and learn what it means to love yourself. I know you can do it.
xoxo
