Popular Enough (deluxe)

one of us 

She ran through the world with steps unheard

So no one thinks she deserves to say a word

She kept track of breathes to avoid death

They all stole more till there was nothing left

It’s hard to believe she knew so many thieves

But only one could tell her what that means

She left every crowd by bleeding out

Somehow she found peace in the doubt

Yes, but what if she is one of us?

Like what made her join the club?

And is her pain relevant enough?

Shouldn’t it at least be discussed?

The real critic was addicted and artistic

She finally found her voice being realistic

wanted

I traced the lips of your joke with thick smoke

Is it stuck in your throat or do you not know?

My mind still begs for you to find the code

But the effort is gone and the raffle is closed

Subconsciously, I never told you my dreams

Now it makes it harder for you to find me

A girl you once knew doesn’t remember you

The picture is assigned to the name of who? 

Someone I haunted declared me wanted

They’re the ones to call if I am spotted

Years of complacency made me the target

It’s the reason why we became so bonded

I wish it didn’t say you are a witness 

My life is honestly none of your business

everyone but you 

How do I explain they shocked my brain? 

Some nutty professor took away my pain

The face wasn’t mine, you know a disguise 

It took many years for me to finally decide

Pictures don’t explain why you said my name

All our memories are lived but not explained

I wished on all the stars that you’d like my art

But all that you did was break my full heart

Everyone but you knows what I went through

And you’re part of a life I’ll never own up to

No explanation made me feel brand new

My version of the story is a universal truth

Erasing your name healed some pain

Does that make you want to complain? 

Anyone

Every text you didn’t send is quite relevant

At that time, I thought you needed to forgive

A crime that only existed in my own head

But you made sure I went to jail for it

I made a job of collecting so many friends

None of them stayed when I needed it 

Now I’m not someone they can neglect 

The silence just means I’m perfect 

It’s all my fault, I don’t have anyone

It’s been 10 years without the sun

Every morning it’s like life just begun

Why am I alone if I really won?

I wish I could be who you wanted from me

But the new version is someone that I need

My first drink

The version you knew was terrified of you

She swallowed her voice for your own truth

Happiness came in waves that dig graves

I would have denied I needed to be saved

But addiction doesn’t run when it’s fun

Until you hold a pill like a loaded gun

I’m sad about our last memory

But you are what I don’t need

I took my first drink sitting next to you 

When I went to rehab, it was like a clue

Is that something you’d like to pursue?

I don’t know who you’ve turned into

Strangers wait before they congratulate

Days don’t count without you to relate

Popular Enough

Poems are written as an attempt to admit it

Like skipping a film and selling your ticket 

I only learned in therapy that I’m the joke

Did you reach out using our secret code?

Everyone you knew wouldn’t do that to you

Except looks and status aren’t the truth

Why do I care what you’d think of me here

All I can say is keep me in your prayers 

In certain ways, I’ve always felt this way

But I was popular enough to hide the pain

I cried for so long hoping to stay the same

But there wasn’t a soul that loved my brain

Opposites attract when I look back

If I see you again, I’ll have a panic attack