acceptance

Life is hard- something everyone has to learn one day. But what if others have it harder? Are we equivalent? Does our pain have a scale? I have this habit where I feel terribly for others but don’t give myself the same credit. I have been through a lot. That doesn’t mean that most of my life wasn’t amazing, but I still have it harder than your average person. Four mental health conditions. Years of treatment. And yet, it’s still hard. So, recently, I’ve had to accept that reality. Life is going to be harder for me. And I have to learn to live with that.

I get these little moments of happy. They are so amazing. And I spend the rest of my time begging for another hit. Even though they only come when I’m not expecting or wishing for them. They make the pain worth it by giving me moments of relief from this fight I’ve found myself involved in. This fight has been going on for years, and I have been left feeling as if my own body and mind betrayed me. I’m terrified of it happening again or things getting worse. Even though I have proven that I can handle it. But most days, I still feel terrified.

There’s something powerful in accepting that things are just going to be hard. It allows you to relinquish control and let yourself just be. Sometimes I think that the pain hasn’t even gone away but I’ve just found a way to cope with it after so long. Lately, the PTSD has been hard, and I’ve had to deal with anxiety, panic, and depression all in the name of the future. I smile through the panic attacks, push myself through the things I know will help, and take it just one step at a time. Shifting your mindset to acceptance can and will allow you to stop worrying about the future.

You can’t accept that things are going to be hard without planning to work through it. You can’t know it’ll be hard and do nothing about it. It feels so scary to live another day because you don’t believe you can get through it. But what if you can? What if it’s your mindset holding yourself back? What if you can change that? It’s just not going to be easy. My brain relies on data. If something caused a panic attack once, I’ll get anxious trying to do it again. But the more you do it, the more you fight through, the better it will get. And it is going to be hard. It shouldn’t be scary to say that. Because that’s the real reason you’re up at night, right?

I don’t want to come off as one of those people that feels sorry for themselves and throws their mental health issues in everyone’s face. And I hope I don’t sound arrogant in saying life is harder for me but either way, it doesn’t change that it is. It feels like everyone else has it easier, and I know that’s not true, but it does feel like that somedays. I have to work harder. I have to survive more. And accepting that is extremely powerful.

Don’t be scared of the pain. You’ve proven to the world that you can handle it. It shouldn’t be scary. Walk toward it with your chin held high and accept what you are facing.

xoxo