am I a mother?

In honor of mother’s day, I’ve written a short blog post about being a mom. Next week it will be longer!

It’s a simple question. A short answer. No. I’ve never given birth, and quite frankly, I don’t know if I ever will. This is a tricky subject for me because it ultimately comes down to one thing- could I do it? This is the reason because if I ever were a mother, I would want to be the best mother there was. And I don’t think I’m in a place to be at the moment. I’ve made progress. And I would have a higher chance of succeeding. But am I even there? The lack of a partner says no. The birth control in my arm says fuck no. But I can’t say that I haven’t thought about it since getting better.

If you would have asked me when I was younger, I’d be married with three kids by this age. Having kids wasn’t ever a question for me- it was just an expectation. And when I was in a long-term relationship, it was a given. But now? Childbirth scares me. The job scares me. But I still have that inkling of hope that I will be. I can’t lie if I didn’t say that I feel like a ticking clock and it’s too late. And I know that society formed that thought, but it’s still in the back of my mind.

Other people have shaped my idea of it- my sister-in-law, my grandparents, and my mothers. I see my niece and I think how could any bit of that be bad? She is the greatest thing that has come into all our lives. And then there’s my mother who taught me how to be a mother raising three kids. In comparison, my stepmother has us as kids. I know it comes in different forms and I think I need to just respect God’s plan.

If I ever become a mother, I’ll let you know!

xoxo