journal prompt series #10

For this journal prompt series, we are going to get deep. I’ve picked some thought-provoking journal prompts about myself and where I am at. Some of these are really hard for me to talk about, but I think that’s what makes them important. So, let’s get deep.

What do I need to let go of from the past? Am I holding onto something that is hurting more than helping?

I think it’s really hard for me to let go of the friendship betrayals that I’ve experienced. I find myself thinking about it all the time. I think it’s because I didn’t get closure with most of them but rather complete silence. It’s definitely hurting me more than helping me currently. I need to find the closure within myself and understand that God took those people out of my life for a reason. I need to heal the hurt that came with it and take the blame off myself. It’s all just apart of God’s journey.

Do I give myself unconditional love or feel worthy of love?

I’m trying to or at least I’ve definitely started to. I don’t really remember if I ever gave this to myself, but in the last few years, I have definitely stopped giving myself the love I deserve. It’s honestly heartbreaking to talk about feeling worthy of love. The short answer is just that I don’t. I am hard on myself about my looks and my struggles and constantly doubt that someone would find that lovable. It’s something that I need to work on because I deserve it.

What do I have now that I dreamed of years ago?

SO MANY THINGS. I have my own condo and my own pets. I write this blog every week. I have a full-time job. I’ve pulled myself out of crippling depression and know how to handle my anxiety. I’m writing a book, and I think it’s really good. I go to church every week and read the bible every day. I take care of myself, and I genuinely love life again.

Describe yourself as you see you. Do you think you see yourself in the same way that others do?

I think I am hard working, never stop fighting, and care so deeply. I love being spiritually connected, writing books or short or poems, and I thrive on getting things done. It feels good to socialize but I can’t do it as much as I used to, and I do need personal time. I don’t think I see myself the way that others do. My family says I’m the strongest person they know, thrive at pushing myself to do things I don’t want to do, and naturally creative. I’m still working on seeing myself that way.

In what areas do you struggle? On the other hand, are there areas where your strengths and interests combine?

I struggle at relaxing, going with the flow, and disorganization. I like knowing when I wake up and what I am going to do that day. It’s hard for me to sit still and do nothing even when I really need it. This matches my interests when it comes to writing and getting things done. Honestly, I am going to work harder than anyone I know.

What are your triggers? How do you work through them?

My first thought is people standing behind me. It instantly sparks fear in me, but I do have a lot of triggers because of PTSD. I have emotional triggers like anxiety and depression that throw me back into years of darkness when I had to fight for my life. I’m also triggered by getting naked, losing control, and confrontation (among others). I work through them by sitting with the emotions and using coping skills till they go away.

If you could tell someone anything, what would it be?

I would say that it’s still really hard. I’m struggling, but I just know how to do it now.

Hope you enjoy! Remember, YOU CAN ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, TOO.

xoxo