Wait, I have WHAT?

A mental health diagnosis is hard. It’s not like a blood test. It’s based mostly off your behavior, and psychiatrists can have different results when analyzing it. It’s up to you to explain everything so they have a full picture, but you may not even know what needs to be told. What if you thought bipolar mood swings were just part of your personality? Or it was normal to have those intrusive thoughts? It is so damn tricky, and it can take years. I want to explain my journey in hopes that you don’t lose hope and fight for what you know to be true. One diagnosis ever felt right to me, but when I put them all together, it makes sense.

I have multiple mental health conditions which is even trickier. It wasn’t like a mass diagnosis. I was diagnosed with them one by one as psychiatrists pulled back my brain’s layers. I won’t lie when I say that sometimes I doubt the accuracy of each, but when it comes down to it, I really do think I have them all. I was diagnosed with ADHD first and once treated during my last year of undergrad, I was able to do twice as well and get into graduate school. My next diagnosis was OCD and this one was VERY rough. Again, when I look at my symptoms, it makes sense. In that same year, I was also diagnosed with a substance abuse disorder. Then it was PTSD- a diagnosis that can’t be argued against. And finally, bipolar disorder which is probably the best way to describe me.

So, how do you even begin this process? First, you should raise your concern with your doctor so they can start with a physical exam to rule out potential causes there. This could be blood work or an MRI or a general health screening. Once physical causes are ruled out, you should seek out a psychological evaluation from a mental health professional. This process can and will take time. I’ve gone to terrible mental health professionals but also some that literally saved my life. This process definitely requires patience. After a psychological evaluation, a psychiatrist should be able to draw conclusions.

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it was in the first session. It was that obvious. Before that, I had met with a psychiatrist about five times, and he barely talked to me but was leaning toward a schizophrenia diagnosis. I don’t think he actually cared, and I had to be brave enough to walk out. The next professional diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. The process can be like this, and you have to be solid in how you feel and what you know. Find the right psychiatrist for yourself. Lean on your support system to defend you. And start to treat your new diagnosis.

Some diagnoses can be the relief you need, and others are quite jarring. The bottom line is that no matter what, it can be really hard to accept. It’s been years for me and somedays I’ll start to think I made my trauma up or tricked the psychiatrist into diagnosing me. On the surface, it makes no sense, but if you start to read about it, it’s very common.

Each story is unique, but I hope mine may help.

xoxo